The emotionally detached loveless mother!

Imagine a mother who is physically present but mentally and emotionally absent. This could be due to two factors:

1. Normal mother who hates family or children - this could be a cultural problem, or upbringing problem or an individual level problem 

2. Abnormal mother who is emotionally detached and loveless 

In both cases, imagine the plight of the family. The husband expects certain help, support and understanding from his wife for family and children. But it is absent. There is sex but no love. The mother is unable to pick up social cues and is selfish. She starts masking techniques and starts blaming husband or family for anything that goes wrong around. She does not understand the protectiveness of her husband and never engages in a proper conversation on it. 

She does cooking for family but is not emotionally attached to them. Her children are confused and do not learn anything about social behaviour from her. She uses deception to remain in power but has poor deceptive skills. She uses her children to reach some goals. But she does not acknowledge any help or support her husband or children give her. She only thinks about society and others and neglects her children. She is obsessed with certain things such as cleanliness and perfection in certain skills such as stitching and embroidery. But she has never really grown up mentally since her teens. 

She gets upset over minor things and is jealous of her own children. She never understands their predicaments and in fact, laughs when they are in trouble. She is unable to understand the seriousness of the situation and her role as a mother to rescue and help her family and children. She never corrects her children when they are wrong. She never puts across the viewpoint about her husband to her children. She does not act as a good intermediary between her husband and children. She deliberately ignores the goods of her husband and children and projects them in bad light in front of others. She does not know what to say where and shows abnormal social behaviour often. She appears passive and talks less in social circle. She values show off rather than truth and does not mind cheating. She justifies wrongs and is not with you during the downs of your life. In attempting to show off, she might be siding exactly opposite things leaving husband and children confused. 

Asperger Syndrome mother 

Well, remember that this could be a sign of Asperger Syndrome. Such cases especially in females in arranged marriages remain undiagnosed and has far reaching irreparable repercussions on the family. Seek expert help immediately if you feel your mother or parent shows certain characteristics I mentioned above. Most of the time it goes undiagnosed due to multiple reasons. Firstly, one does not want to think about mental issues in a parent especially when the symptoms and signs are subtle. Secondly, at times mother may not love a child or a daughter due to son preference in some regressive cultures. Thirdly, rural upbringing might be responsible for such a behavior. Fourthly, a parent usually repeats the way they were brought up. Fifthly, neurosis such as depression and anxiety could have similar or overlapping symptoms. Psychotic brain conditions such as bipolar and mild schizophrenia may mimic asperger Syndrome or could be co-exist in same individual. 

Asperger Syndrome is a form of autism and a neurodevelopmental disorder. It is high functioning autism where cognition and language may be normal. It can be missed easily and only screening for it can detect it. With detection and treatment, outcomes are better.