Have you ever heard of the term Peter Pan syndrome? This is a term used for men who repeatedly display emotionally immature behaviours. How did this term start to be used for such men? What are the implications?
Peter Pan syndrome
This term was first used by psychologist Dan Kiley in his book named "The Peter Pan Syndrome: Men Who Have Never Grown Up." that was released in 1983. But this term is not a scientific term for such people. It is not mentioned in the medical books and neither in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). WHO too does not recognize this name for such men.
What is Morton’s toe?
One very often sees around us such men who have pledged to never grow up. These could be one of our family member or classmate or colleague or a friend. Though commonly used for men, it could also be extrapolated for women.
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| Peter Pan syndrome (Source: Pinterest) |
Characteristics of Peter Man syndrome
When the mental, emotional, and social development of a person is incomplete and arrested at the stage of an immature person.
It might feel nice to be initially with such a person but later it tends to get on one’s nerves since the behaviour continues even with serious and important decisions of life.
The person tends to give funny and weird solutions during a serious discussion.
They tend to be irresponsible and unreliable.
Sometimes, the colleagues or another family member has to overdo in order to compensate for the less work done by the person.
Such a person has intense and dysfunctional relationships with parents especially the mother. They never go in for mature adult relationships and talk ill of friends or sexual partners. The person does not own up or take responsibilities and instead blames others for any wrong acts or happenings. They act innocent and are surrounded by people of their kind. Such people lose jobs easily. Often they end up being dependent on their parents or spouses or partners and sometimes even friends.
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| Peter Pan syndrome (Source: Psych2go) |
They cannot handle any kind of stress. They end up with some sort of addiction including video games. Self-care may be absent. They often feel that they had an unfair treatment and will want to settle scores. Temper tantrums might also be seen. They might act out and deceive others around in order to get attention. Such people if they bear children become narcissistic parents.
Reaction of those around
It is likely that people may start disliking a Peter Pan man and start calling names to him. Their acts might embarrass you when in a social gathering. This might be hurtful and make you angry. Sometimes, you as a more mature person might feel the need to apologize on their behalf. If you have liked the person before, it is called Wendy syndrome. In this, you find the person lovable and want to guide and take care of him.
Whether the name-calling is behind the person’s back or in front, it does not help. This is because it does not make a difference to the person. There can be no productive conversation with a Peter Pan man. He will get angry and not allow the conversation to proceed. But rather than vague talking, it is best to be direct and come to the point rather than beating around the bush.
One needs to set boundaries with such a person. You cannot change the person but can help and support in it. The change has to come from within the person suffering from Peter Pan syndrome. If this does not help, seek assistance of a counsellor. Therapy might benefit and save your relationship with such a person.
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