Milk in Nepal and India: the difference!

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 I have observed that whenever milk ferments when I am in India, the paneer or cottage cheese does not come out easily. Even if I boil it and add lime juice to it, the cheese formed is quite little and more powdery than cheesy.  But when the same happens in Nepal, the cheese formation is immediate, dense and cheesy. I do not have to do more efforts to get cottage cheese out of the milk in Nepal. What is the reason? I checked internet and found some factors that can affect the quality and amount of cheese  1. Freedom from pathogenic bacteria - Good cheese forms of milk is free from pathogenic bacteria. Differences between Nepali vs Indian panipuri  2. Different milk quality with different amounts of fats and proteins  3. Ultra-pasteurization can destroy vital enzymes and bacteria that are required for cheese formation  4. If temperature of milk is less when it ferments, cheese formation will be less.  5. If milk is rancid, it means it's fats are also br...
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How to manage, handle, and take care of children of different age groups during a divorce?

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 Divorce is hard not only for the divorcing partners but also for their children. It is an unpredictable and unplanned thing that comes suddenly and leaves everyone in shock and awe. There are a lot of emotions involved and feelings of hurt, distrust, pain are invariably part of it all. And then the legal process that follows adds on to the trouble. And the number of people divorcing is high. It is rising and the current pandemic had added to the woes. The divorces are more and previous divorces are pending; a huge backlog!!!

Parents, themselves hurt and in pain, also have to think of the future of the young children. This is harder when these are minors. What is the most vulnerable age for a child when their parents are divorcing?

DIVORCE AND THE MOST SUSCEPTIBLE AGE FOR CHILDREN

If we try to answer the question at which age are children most traumatized by their parents’ divorce, then the answer is that children of all ages have bad effects on their physical and mental well-being when it comes to the divorce of their parents. This becomes more challenging when the parents are in a bitter divorce battle and are very vocal about it. So it is best to try to work out the relationship or marriage and avoid a divorce. Even if divorce seems inevitable, it is best to keep it a smooth transition and not let your children face the ill-effects of bitterness. Keep things out of the ears of the children but at the same time, they should be provided updates in a simple language about what is going on between the parents and their relationship. Keep the well-being of your kids as the prime focus and work around it.

Divorce and its impact on children [Source: Mom Junction]

DIFFERENT AGE GROUPS AND THE MOST LIKELY EFFECTS OF DIVORCE

A lot of factors come into play as regards the impact the divorce may have on the child. The age and mental understanding of the child, bitterness of the process, how parents handle it, and the support the child gets from the grandparents and other relatives are all vital and has an impact on the child’s ultimate well-being. But when the child is less than 3 years of age, it is less likely that they will remember anything that happened between the parents. They will come to know only later when they grow up from their parents or other relatives. They do have memory but it is not retained. But certain immediate effects are noticed in them during the process of divorce. They may become more fussy or inconsolable whenever one parent is not around them. They may feel insecure and this might be more apparent when new people are around. They may miss some milestones or may regress. There could be some long-term issues as well that are subtle and may not be easily noticeable.

Divorce and the minor child [Source: FirstCry Parenting]

When a child is 3-5 years old at the time of the divorce, it is the age when abstract thinking is coming in. They have a lot of questions about the world around them. But they are not still aware of what exactly is a divorce. They need parental security and stability more at this age when they are trying to explore newer surroundings. Not having this at the time may hamper their learning process. They are more affected when parents fight. He or she may end up crying more than usual. Fear may set in and there may be bad dreams and nightmares. The child might even request the parents to get back to normal and not fight. They may feel that it is their fault. After the divorce, things may normalize for the child but the trauma may leave the child with lasting bad memories and affect the later development and emotions. If normalcy returns, the child can get adapted to the new milieu and not feel bad.

If the child is school going at the time of the divorce, this is the toughest time to deal with a parental divorce. They are now old enough to remember and retain everything that is going on. They may have internal conflicts and also feel that it is their fault. They question a lot and may want their parents to not separate. They may either take the low road and get depressed and withdrawn or may take the high road and be anxious and fearful of the whole process. They may throw temper tantrums and may take sides on his or her own. His relations in school with peers and teachers may suffer.

When the child is a teen during the divorce, they have a better understanding of why their parents are unable to remain together and want a divorce. In fact, if the married life of their parents is a turmoil for them, they might be happy that their parents have divorced rather than not. They are aware now that it is not their fault. This age is an age of self-centeredness but they at this age are more worried about their own life outside the family and seem to get along with it well. They might even spend more time with their friends or shift out for some time. But he or she is still not mature and needs your support and help in overcoming the crisis.

THERAPY FOR THE CHILDREN

If the child was less than 3 during the divorce, the parents should try to maintain some routine and consistency in managing them during the acute crisis. Besides, try to keep the environment of the child supportive, secure, and loving. Avoid any new frightening situations. But that age is an adaptable one.

In order to not cause more damage at the 3-5 years of age, keep things at the civil and polite level especially when the child is around. Do not fight aloud and refrain from bad-mouthing each other. Do not force children to take sides. They want both the parents and not one.

Divorce and child [Source: GCTP]

Also, read on controlling parents and how they can destroy their child's life!

In 6-12 years old kids, try to remain amicable in their presence. Answer all their questions honestly and do not bad-mouth each other. Keep the child’s environment as supportive and loving as possible. If it becomes difficult, one can try to shift the child into a safer place until the whole issue is sorted out. Psychological support can be sought. Search online and in books on how to handle children at this age.

A teenager child might be easier to handle. But he or she is still not completely mature and needs a supportive and caring parent to help handle the situation. You may need to talk to his or her teacher and discuss the transition. Have an honest talk with your teen child and answer all questions. Ask them if they need a counselor on this matter.

Weigh all the pros and cons before a divorce. And if a divorce is inevitable, better t go ahead amicably and taking proper care of the children involved in the process.

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